Monday, November 19, 2007

The one where I loose it....

Warning: Don't read if you are looking for an upbeat, humor filled post. It ain't happening.

I feel like crap and I am so tired of it. I have been in a pretty good funk for several days. Nothing makes me happy. Everyone and everything annoys me. I hurt. I am tired. I am exhausted. I have been snippy. It's amazing that my family is still around and not seeking refuge at Granny's or a local hotel. Can't say that I would blame them. Although it would just make me mad and give me something else to be annoyed about. I was more than a little short with Steven tonight and he disappeared into the bedroom. I stayed downstairs then decided I should try to be nice. I came up and he was asleep. He heard me come in and woke up. He threw back his covers and told me to come on. He read my mind; he knew I needed a hug. I crawled into his arms and I lost it. I laid there and cried and cried. He held me and let me. He didn't say anything; there isn't anything to say anymore. I know what he is thinking and how he feels. And I realized something. I am SO DAMN MAD and I have a right to be. I try to be strong and take it all in stride but lately it would seem that I can't catch a break. All I want is one freakin break every now and then. This whole thing wears me down so far that when I look up I can't see the top. I know all the good stuff--that I have a kick-ass husband, equally awesome parents, sisters, friends. I know that in the grand scheme of things how lucky I really am. But tonight, I don't feel so lucky. I feel cheated. And it's not fair.

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