Sunday, January 27, 2008

Nerves

My nerves are shot
I've had 7 surgeries in 7 1/2 years; 6 of them in the past 2 1/2 years
Everything that is supposed to be simple is never simple for me
My family and friends like to find the jokes about it
Me, not so much
It makes me feel miserable; like a failure
Like it is somehow my fault that my body doesn't do what I want it to do
Here I am 11 days post op and still miserable
I don't want to call my doctor cause I'm afraid he'll make me feel like an idiot
Everything I have read online tells me I am not alone in being an adult with a long and painful recovery time but my doctor didn't seem to feel that way when I saw him earlier this week
I am almost out of pain medicine and don't know what I'll do once it is gone
I have tried using over the counter stuff but it doesn't touch the pain
I have lost weight (a plus to this situation) but how I am losing it isn't very fun. Water and applesauce has gotten very old
I don't want to talk to anybody
I don't want to go anywhere
At least my bowels are working (2 laxatives a day to help that)....God knows I don't need that on top of everything else
The kids are over it
Steven is over it
I want to scream; can't though...hurts too bad
I want to cry; can't though.....hurts too bad

I have a joint test scheduled for tomorrow at UT. I am scared. I am sure it is going to hurt and be uncomfortable. I am scared they will tell me the only way to help me is to operate. I can hear everyone now yammering on about Anne having another surgery.

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