Thursday, September 2, 2010

When the Love isn't Returned

I am in one of the worst kind of relationships. One where you love something so much. But it doesn't love you back. In fact, it doesn't just not love you but it hurts you. Yet you can't leave it alone. You keep putting time into the relationship. You change things up hoping it will be the magic bullet that turns it all around. You pray about it. You talk about it. But nothing changes. Eventually you decide to walk away. Decide that you are worth more than what the relationship is giving you. You are tired. You are done. But what do you do when this element of your life is a necessity? Something you literally can't live without?

That is where I am these days. Trying to figure out how to live. See, my problem isn't with a human. It's not a family member, a friend, or anyone else I can whine into submission. It's food. Yes, food hates me. A simple, yet sad, fact that is brought to my attention every single time I test our relationship. I have seen doctor after doctor. I have eliminated most of my favorite foods in the interest of comfort. Yet I am still in a really bad relationship. It's exhausting, really. Emotionally and physically. I am the smallest I've been since before puberty. I am 34 years old. I have a lot of living left to do. So how do I accomplish that when I can't make this relationship work?

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