Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hunter Love and Crazy Day

I don't rise until 730am. Isaiah and Arissa wake themselves up, get ready for school, eat, brush, etc. then wake me up when it is time to leave for school. I roll out of the bed, pee, throw on my shoes, grab my keys and take them in my jammies. Most days I come home and lay back down for 30 or 45 minutes before getting ready for work. I used to be at work at 730 every morning. Those days are looonnnnggg gone.

This morning was different. Carol's sitter was sick so she needed someone to watch Hunter. His Uncle Tebie (Steven) volunteered to watch the little fellow. So that meant I needed to be up and ready by 7am. We were supposed to leave promptly at 7 to meet Carol in Oliver Springs at 715. Got the kids in the truck and it was dead. Not just a little dead. A whole lot dead. So after cussing I called Carol, told her she would have to bring Hunter to me, called Steven to vent, then called AAA for some roadside assistance. I told Arissa she would have to ride the bus, checked the bus schedule to see what time she needed to leave and sat back and waited. I sent Arissa out the door, in the 29degree weather, to hitch a ride on the school bus. She wasn't gone a minute when I heard her bust back through the front door and drop her bags. I met her on the stairs and she was out of breath, trying not to cry and see through her fogged up glasses. Apparently there was a strange car that pulled up next to her and stopped. She stood there for a minute then her gut instinct kicked in and sister turned tail and ran like hell home. I looked out the door but the car was gone. (We found out later today that it was actually a well meaning neighbor with tinted windows and since it was still dark outside it made it even harder for Arissa to see who it was. Regardless, I am proud of Arissa for trusting her gut and running).

Carol pulls up a few minutes later with Hunter and his gear. We got the low down from her. She gave her kisses and was off. We waited for the AAA man who finally showed up about the same time Hunter decided he was hungry. So I made him a bottle, sat him in his carrier on top of the video game and rolled a blanket to prop the bottle. Isaiah was pretty impressed with my skills and I informed him this wasn't my first trip to the rodeo; told them to make sure he didn't choke or end up with the nipple in his ear. Dealt with AAA man, got the truck started and off to the dentist we went, a mere 30 minutes late. Got Isaiah taken care of, dropped both kids off at school, sent Steven and Hunter home to sleep and couldn't find my phone. So I came home to see if it was here or at the dentist (Steven had it) left again and went straight to Starbucks for some sanity in a cup then FINALLY headed to work.

Slow day at work except for the fact that my guts were working overtime and my head was hurting. I hung around until 3 then came home for a nap before PT. I met Steven and crew at PT where I got Hunter, who hung with the receptionist while I did my exercises, then delivered him back to Carol. I am now firmly planted in my recliner and dinner is 'find it and fix it'. This Momma is D-O-N-E!!

The scene I walked into when I came home to look for my phone:

Isaiah took these:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Workout World

I find it funny that Arissa got all pimped out in her workout gear; Isaiah was just 'whatev' and worked out in the same clothes he had on. She is certainly my child.
My idea of a workout:

Friday, October 24, 2008

Click here for a post that brought tears to my eyes....for more reason than one.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hard Day

I came home from work at 4 o'clock. I sat at my desk for hours before with tears in my eyes, gripping the sides of my chair, waiting for the waves of pain to pass. I decided that enough was enough when I couldn't see the numbers on the sheet I was working on. Somehow I made it home, white-knuckling the steering wheel the entire drive. I walked in the door, sat down my stuff, took off my shoes, and curled into a ball on the couch. I stayed that way for over an hour then finally fell off to sleep. I woke up with mascara tears streaked down my face and the pain had eased up. Steven offered to take me to the hospital a few minutes after I got home but I declined...I already know they can't help me. I have no idea why the pain eased nor do I know why it is increasing again as I type. I was so uncomfortable today. All I took in was 2 bites of dry cereal, a few sips of coffee and a tic tac. I made myself finish a nutrition drink once I got home but it took until after my nap to get it all down. Today was not good, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Steven took Isaiah and Arissa to the dentist today. Yesterday they both went to the orthodontist. Isaiah got his bracket and wire fixed from where I had tinkered on them with the wire pliers, kitchen scissors and nail file and Arissa was evaluated for the need for braces. Shockingly (only if you've never seen her), Arissa does require braces. She goes back next month for impressions then the following month we'll meet for the game plan then in January she should have them. He didn't mention the need to have any teeth pulled but she may require a small procedure to cut her lip free from her gum line. Isaiah has a month off. He still has his brackets but there isn't a wire running through them. His teeth have moved so much and so fast that his gums are swollen so they want to let them rest. Isaiah has a small cavity that will be filled next week and Arissa is cavity free and had her spacer taken out.

Thank you, Daddy. Your support of me means more than words can express. I knew what you did but seeing it in print made it real. I love you.

Trying to remember all I've been blessed with....

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Skinny on Skinny Me...

After 2 hours in the doctors office then 2 more hours at the hospital today, we still don't have answers BUT we are in the process of looking in places not yet explored. Dr. Brown (ha, GI with the last name Brown...tacky joke, I know) renewed his vow to me to not stop until he ruled out everything under the sun. He also reminded me how complicated my case is and that he is no closer to knowing what is going on than he was when he first saw me in the hospital. I didn't expect to leave his office with a diagnosis today so I wasn't letdown. I was praying for a plan, and God answered. A plan we have and it involves 'collections' and the Mayo Clinic as well as some blood work and imaging. I have a few more visits to the hospital to make this weekend and Monday so I have to keep on my lovely hospital bracelet...should make for interesting discussions when in the presence of unknowing folks. At this point, I really don't care. If you know me enough to inquire about a hospital bracelet and don't at least *think* something is going on then you are blind as a damn bat.

I am tired, frustrated, uncomfortable, scared and ready to have my life back but I am not hopeless and that makes the rest of it a wee bit easier to handle.

And to answer the question everyone asks when I go to the's weight was 119 before deductions for shoes and almost 30 pounds in 3ish months.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Election 2008

I'm one of those people that makes it a policy not to discuss politics (and religion) in public forums. The reasons are pretty simple...people are passionate about their beliefs and no matter how much you try to make them see things 'your' way, it just ain't gonna happen. I have friends that are passionate about McCain being the ONLY choice; I have friends that are passionate about Obama being the ONLY choice. I have friends that believe in a god but not necessarily God, and some that live their life by the word of the Bible with no wavering whatsoever. Me? I keep my mouth shut. Some might see it as being a coward or not believing enough in my choice. I see it as a simple lesson in picking your fights. This lesson I learned early, as a new mother, and it has served me well. I will say that I do listen to what each side has to say and to a limited degree, it will factor into my decision on election day. This is only because it seems like everyone but me has infinite amounts of time to spend on the Internet researching everything printed about their candidate (good things) and the opposition (bad things). Basically, I let the ramblings and passion of others give me some jumping off points in my own research and go from there. It would be selfish and irresponsible of me to not vote or to make a choice based on the musings of others so I have to research. As my momma always says, if you don't vote you can't complain. I will say that this is the first election that I've paid much attention to. The first time I was legal to vote was the last time I voted. Am I proud, no. But it's a fact. So this November I will vote..and I will not divulge who I vote for, so don't even ask. I think you should vote, too.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

A family kind of week

Adding to the stresses of my ongoing health struggles was the death of my new, beloved camera. Fuji was my friend and perhaps, I wore him out. He suddenly stopped working. I bought him new batteries thinking that would perk him dice. Fuji is now repacked and headed back to the land of HSN for a replacement. Yes, I realize it is just a camera and there are far worse tragedies in this world but I had coveted Fuji for months, had visited him in the store to play, with promises that one day I would bring him home and he would be mine. He sat useless on my kitchen table all week. THIS was the week I needed him. Grandma Mary was here, Georgene came for a visit, we went to the St. Mary's Fall Festival where Arissa climbed the rock wall and bungee jumped, I saw Hunter no less than 4 times this week. Those moments lay only in my mind as Fuji was not available to capture these moments for eternity. I have hopes that the fine folks at HSN will be speedy in sending a replacement; I have concerns that there will be no more Fuji's available and I will have to choose another model. My family hasn't turned me in for a different model even though I am broken...why should I have to do the same to Fuji?

Okay, I'm done whining about Fuji.

So, Grandma Mary and Aunt Marti blew into town on their way home from visiting other family in Illinois. We all went out to Mom and Dad's on Thursday night to visit and have supper. It was a joint effort of our culinary skills...Mom went all out and put not one but TWO pans of Stouffer's lasagna in the oven, I made a tossed salad, Carol heated up garlic bread and Kathy made a pan of brownies and family favorite, chocolate eclair. No one cared what we ate; we got full, loved on Hunter (and each other), got our fill of Gma Mary pink lipstick kisses and had a nice night. It has been quite awhile since all of us were together to eat and hang. I had forgotten how fun we can be when we're all together. It was merely a stop-over for Gma and Aunt Marti so they were gone as fast as they had arrived.

Friday night the kids and I went to the grocery store then came home to clean our super gross house. I did the best I could with my limited amount of energy and strength but was disappointed that I didn't go full force for the entire house. It is much better than it was so it wasn't a total loss. Steven was gone to the Oak Ridge football game so it was just me, the kids and the iPod. I always get distracted at the same point in their play list...the Cupid Shuffle. Isaiah found it most comical that I was vacuuming and shuffling at the same time. I think he was screaming for me to stop before someone saw me (who? I don't know) but I just laughed and shuffled on.

Saturday we were supposed to cheer in Campbell County but again, the disorganization of the VFC threw a wrench in our plans. We found out on our way to the game that the time had been changed from 1pm to 6pm. After making frantic phone calls to my squad to go back home we stopped at Willow Ridge Nursery. Steven and I have a weakness for Willow Ridge. They make shrubs and flowers look like child's play and those folks have gotten more of my money than I care to admit. We did a really good job and just looked Saturday with the only purchase being a birthday gift for Georgene. Steven wanted to go to the golf course, I had a family activity in mind. It was a beautiful day and the St. Mary's Fall Festival was happening. We'd never gone (the kids had with Grandma) so we decided to give it a shot. We met up with Mom and Georgene and I turned into super-crab. It was one of those days that I really wanted to have fun but nothing was making me happy. I admitted I was a crab, which is half the battle right? Anyways, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I think Arissa is the only one that had a good time. We came home for a few hours then headed out to Mom & Dad's for dinner to celebrate Georgene's 65th birthday. We don't typically celebrate her birthday but this was a 'big' one and she happened to be in town. It was the least we could do for the woman that has been with our family for as long as my memory stretches, has let me be sick in her bed, puke in her car, has seen us through unexpected babies, failed marriages, remarriages, moves, and all the twists and turns our lives have taken. She dotes on our kids like they are her own grandkids and our kids love her as much as they love their other grandparents. Daddy fried chicken wings and fries, I brought my now favorite pasta salad (thanks Sara, my Daddy loves the Italian dressing pasta salad), and we hung out around a fire. Good times, good times.

Today we've killed and buried a mouse, went to church, ate lunch, made dip cones, done laundry, washed cars and the house and watched football.

Arissa FINALLY goes back to school tomorrow. The child has been out for a month and we (and her) are ready for her to be back in a routine. Isaiah has a fall break coming up in a week or two and it will be his turn to sleep while the other is at school. Tomorrow I start PT for my knee. I saw an ortho guy last week who put a really long needle in it, gave me a diagnosis, and was optomistic about the chances of my recovery without surgery.

So, I think that is about all for now. Thanks for hanging with me...I will be sure to post after my long awaited GI appointment on Friday. I ask your prayers for answers (or at least plans to get answers), wisdom of the doctor, patience for me and everyone else that crosses my path, and peace for whatever comes out of this.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Sometimes I Realize God Does Listen

After writing the post the other day and crying on my way to the doctors office (only to make a delivery..not to see a doctor) the elevator door opened and there stood my doctor. I swear I could hear the angels singing as our eyes met. He asked me if I could hang around for a few minutes because he wanted to see me. Of course, I agreed. Two hours and twenty dollars later I was leaving. Still no answers but my emotional health was better. He assured me that just because my tests are normal DOES NOT mean there isn't anything wrong. I had lost another pound in the 5 days since I'd been in his office. He wrote me a script for a pill to try that is supposed to calm the lining of my colon. So far I don't notice a change but I've not eaten much, either. I am still waiting to see my GI on the 17th but now I feel like I can make it until then where before I felt like I would die before I saw the 17th.

My physical hasn't improved but my mental has....and that makes handling the physical a little easier.

Oh...and I didn't intend for my previous post to turn into a love fight of my supporters! I totally appreciate it though and each comment brought a smile to my face. I love you all the mostest too and I don't know where I'd be without you guys. Thanks for sticking around, even when I'm no fun to be around.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Honesty Post

As you probably know by now, posts with only photos or no posts at all is usually a sign that things aren't okay. In this case, that holds true. Things aren't okay. No matter how much I smile, how many times I say I'm fine, how much make up I plaster on to hide behind...I am most certainly NOT fine.

We thought going off the Topamax was the answer to all of my issues. That after a few weeks the medicine would be out of my system and I would be able to eat and my body wouldn't reject what I was putting into it. Weeks have turned into over a month and I now weigh less than I did when I was admitted to the hospital. I don't have a terrific appetite but even making myself eat has not produced the results we thought it would. I body rejects (one way or the other, without getting graphic). The cycle is relentless, it doesn't matter what I eat, how much I eat, when I eat. I've had a CT and lab work...NORMAL. I don't see my GI until the 17th. I hoped my ID would get me a quicker appointment but I'm not hanging my hat on that.

I am at the end of my rope with this deal. I honestly don't know what to do. Doing nothing doesn't help; going to doctors doesn't help; crying doesn't help. I just don't feel good and it makes it really hard to keep on like everything is fine, but saying it's not okay is just as hard.