No Mo Metal

I no longer have kids with braces. I now have kids with retainers. Isaiah got his braces off back in August (and because I was a slacker Blogger I didn't post about it) and as of this morning Arissa no longer has hers. I am posting before and after pics of both kids. I have no idea how they will line up with this post since I'm posting from my phone but I'm 100% positive you'll be able to figure out which is which.

Arissa's mouth trauma is far from over though. In a few months she will have her upper and lower gums trimmed, a thick muscle between her front teeth removed and her upper wisdom teeth removed. All at the same time. Please begin prayer vigils now...my mouth hurts just thinking about it!

Balance

Anyone who works outside of the home (and heck, even in the home....okay..basically MOM's in general) know how hard it is to balance your needs with the family's needs; your wants with the family's wants; the "have to's" and the "need to's"; all while wearing that "I got my shit together" smile and high heels. There are times that you really DO have it all together, then there are times that you don't. And when you don't...boy is it UGLY.

Last week was one of those weeks. I've been pretty quite on all my normal outlets (Facebook, Twitter, even dance class). Tears were choked back more than once. My face in my hands more times than I can count. I got more than one email/text asking if I was mad at various people. Not mad...just drowning in too-many-things-not-enough-time. Add to that my voice of sanity and clarity was out of town. It's just the way life is sometimes. Doesn't make it any less suckier when it happens though. Thankfully, I have a great helpmate in Steven and he helped the best he could...offering love and encouragement...like he always does.

Last week culminated with my losing.my.sanity. on various members of my family last night.

Today?

NEW WOMAN

Sometimes a little crazy goes a long way.

Freeman Four Family Workouts

After posting last week that I would be starting back to the gym the next day I realized...crap..the schedule won't allow it tonight. Or this night. Or the next night. Then I was sick. Then I was still sick. So last night, 8pm, I carried my hiney down to the gym and treadmilled. Me and the treadmill for a solid hour. Okay...sortof of solid. That big giant STOP button on the edge kept getting hit. Then Arissa couldn't find the toilets in the locker room so I had to give her a guided tour. Then Isaiah about derailed so I had to stop and laugh at him. Anyways it was 60 actual minutes of walking at a fair pace. Then I did 3 or 4 sets of decline sit ups with the medicine ball. I like those. I get to throw a ball a Steven. And it makes my abs hurt. Hurt (should) equal flat. A girl can dream right?

I have to figure out a better schedule though. It was 10:40 before I got Arissa's hair done. Which is over an hour past her bed time. I'm ready for basketball season to be over. Then I'll have 3 free weekday nights to go to the gym.

I will admit...I felt good afterwards. I just wish the results were instant. I'm an instant gratification kind of girl. I suck at patience.

Time to Get Back to It

I feel like I never have anything to say so I say nothing at all. Everything "blog worthy" usually makes the Facebook and Twitter rounds so it is old news since my "readers" are so few.

So...I'm going to start writing for ME. I need a journal. I need to have a place to vent, document, whine, cry and rejoice. I've tried a real journal and by day 4 I stop writing and next thing I know it's been 2 weeks then 2 months since I've written. I miss writing. I don't do it well but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it.

I started dance classes back in the fall. I always wanted to do something like that growing up. Our neighbors were always clogging, twirling, flipping, modeling..something. Me? I just watched them from the curb and waited for them to be done so we could play. Then wait for their recital to be done so we could play dress up in the costumes. In my house, we either had the time and no money or money and no time. So...I'm doing at 36 what I wanted to do when I was 6. I am in tap and modern. I am performing in a competition the end of April for modern and am supposed to be in the recital at the end of May for both (I'm still not sure. It depends on how well I feel I know the dances). Tap is HARD YO! Modern has come much easier to me. Both give me 2 hours a week that don't involve Steven or the kids; gives me some exercise; and gives me time with my Sara. WIN/WIN/WIN.

A year ago I was all "I can't eat. I'm so thin/weak/frail" Now I'm all..."Dude! Step away from that cookie! It's going straight to your gut and thighs!" I've never struggled with my weight (well, with being overweight...Lord knows I've struggled with being underweight). I'm not sure if it's age; being healthy instead of sick; or what but something has to give. I weigh more now that I have in probably ever (not counting being pregnant) and I. AM. MISERABLE. I think part of it is winter. I just feel BLAH all the time. So I rejoined the gym and am determined to lose about 15 pounds. But just from my stomach and thighs. Yes, I fully plan on instructing my fat cells where to disperse. I'd rather not lose the butt and boobs I've never had. I still don't eat much but there are some better choices about what I do eat that I can make. And I need exercise. Two hours a week is hardly enough for anyone.

I have to do something. I hate the gym, hate to exercise, but I hate not being happy with myself more.

Botox Baby

After many years of pain, suffering and waiting the FDA finally approved Botox injections for the prevention of migraine headaches (if you'll recall I had Botox several years ago for this same purpose. That time our insurance did not cover it and we paid the entire cost out of pocket. Lots of dollars. Not cheap. At. All.). We (meaning me, Steven, the kids, my family, my friends) were all excited to hear this news. Last time I had the treatment it worked beautifully. I was migraine free for about 3 months and had a significant decrease for a total of 6 months. So the idea of having 6 months of relief was thrilling. So I had a neurologist appointment, then scheduled the Botox, got insurance approval, got the Botox and waited for the relief. And waited. And waited. Ten migraines later I was losing hope that it was going to work at all. I was still having to inject myself almost daily. My quality of life was not improving. I was still losing days to the dark room and my bed. Frustrated and sad I gave up. I decided to at least be grateful that I no longer have forehead wrinkles or crows feet.

In the past few weeks I have noticed a change. I am still getting migraines but much less and not nearly as painful or hard to get rid of. I know I will have to be injected again and the doctor told me it may take several rounds of injections to get really good results. A few weeks ago I would have told you no way am I doing it again. Now? I figure it's worth a shot. Even though the treatment may not leave me completely migraine free, it does seem to be helping and hey..who am I to deny insurance approved wrinkle treatment?

I'm Alive

At my mother's urging I am updating my blog *waves HI to Mom*.

There hasn't been much to update but the Reader's Digest version is something like this:

High school is kicking Isaiah's butt. He has adjusted well to the social aspect of it but the academic aspect has been a real struggle. In a few days he goes back and as far as we are concerned, he is starting fresh. We aren't going to dwell on the disaster that was his first semester. He is working on earning back his privileges and we look forward to a wonderful 2011.

Arissa is thriving in 6th grade and is managing her heavy activity schedule and academics like a seasoned pro. She brought home straight A's on this last report card (a first for her without having the cushion of the "buy back" system that she had in 5th grade). She needed new school shoes and we added a monetary reward to get her the Sperry's she really wanted (they are the Sabago's of 2010). She has about a month left of basketball season cheering (up to 2 games a week), weekly practice, tumbling class and church. After the season is over she will still have tumbling and church but the other 2 will drop off. She has mastered her round off back handspring in the gym and is working very hard on being able to do it outside of the reassurance of the coach and the squishy mats. We are very proud of her, as she is the only new cheerleader to have come as far as she has (and has even passed several of the veteran cheerleaders).

Steven has taken up running in addition to his weight training. Unfortunately, he suffered a very common runners injury a few weeks ago and broke his foot. He is in a walking boot for 2 months and then he'll have to be reevaluated to see if he can resume his running.

At the time of the year when most people are signing up for gym memberships, I went against the grain and cancelled my membership. It was $40 a month that I was not using and have no desire to use. Now I have the best excuse EVER not to go workout. My weight is slowly improving and I've gained 5 pounds. After being painfully thin for so long those 5 pounds feel like 50. I am still struggling with my migraines and learned a few months ago that the bacteria in my stomach that has caused me so many problems is here to stay. It is "antibiotic resistant" and there is nothing more to do than treat the symptoms and watch for signs of active ulcers and/or the bacteria eating a whole in my stomach lining. So, yea, that's fun. I am still out of work and have begun to actively seek employment. As much as we feel it is best for my health to stay home, finances just won't allow it. Steven's switch to day shift has impacted us more than we expected and again we are in the position of real financial struggles. We are doing the best we can and trust that God has a plan; even though it may not be OUR plan. Which is always a hard pill to swallow.

We were able to enjoy a wonderful Christmas with our families. Having a little one in the family (Hunter) brought back the sweet side of the season we have been missing for years now. We have no plans to bring in the New Year and frankly, we'll be lucky if we manage to stay awake until midnight.

Wishing all of you a joyous and prosperous New Year!

Love to all,

The Freeman Four

When the Love isn't Returned

I am in one of the worst kind of relationships. One where you love something so much. But it doesn't love you back. In fact, it doesn't just not love you but it hurts you. Yet you can't leave it alone. You keep putting time into the relationship. You change things up hoping it will be the magic bullet that turns it all around. You pray about it. You talk about it. But nothing changes. Eventually you decide to walk away. Decide that you are worth more than what the relationship is giving you. You are tired. You are done. But what do you do when this element of your life is a necessity? Something you literally can't live without?

That is where I am these days. Trying to figure out how to live. See, my problem isn't with a human. It's not a family member, a friend, or anyone else I can whine into submission. It's food. Yes, food hates me. A simple, yet sad, fact that is brought to my attention every single time I test our relationship. I have seen doctor after doctor. I have eliminated most of my favorite foods in the interest of comfort. Yet I am still in a really bad relationship. It's exhausting, really. Emotionally and physically. I am the smallest I've been since before puberty. I am 34 years old. I have a lot of living left to do. So how do I accomplish that when I can't make this relationship work?