I'm Ready to Hit the Ground Running

Unfortunately, my body isn't on the same page as my mind. I knew how hard this surgery would be. I knew that it would takes weeks and weeks to heal. Well, I thought I knew. I guess I should say I knew but I hadn't accepted. Which is two totally completely different things.

Today I am 2 weeks+2 days post op. While the pain is much better than it was even a week ago, it is still there. It does subside for periods but just as mysteriously as it disappears, it reappears. I know it is part of the healing process (muscles and nerves healing) but I'm still sad.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I was so miserable. I was so nauseous (I think a good part of that was from not eating). I was hot. Then freezing. Then sweating. I was teary. I was whiny. I asked Steven if I had a fever and when he felt my forehead and said no, I protested. I was certain that as bad as I felt I deserved a fever. I finally took a Phenagran and slept for an hour or so. I woke up feeling much better.

So basically, I'm still laying around and doing a whole lot of nothing. I know that making myself get up and do things won't help anything and will just make things take longer to heal. If I've learned anything having 12 surgeries before, it's that not giving myself time to heal gets me nowhere but in a tearful lump.

Home Invasion

Last night Steven, Mary Ellen and I attended a drama production at church entitled Sacred Storm, Home Invasion. The advertisements boasted "What if the unseen world – the spiritual forces at work in the world around us – could be seen? What kinds of battles would we find in our own lives and in our own homes. Home Invasion, Sacred Storm is a free graphic dramatization of the invisible battle that surrounds each one of us on a daily basis."

I was really looking forward to seeing it. I was excited to see what elements of my life I hadn't given proper thought to. To be shown parts of my life that I was selfishly thinking were okay but biblically were detrimental to my family, to my children, to my marriage. I was disappointed at what I was presented with.

The only 'forces' highlighted were an overworked/unappreciated wife and mother and an unfaithful husband who had an addiction to Internet porn. As a result of their preoccupations they were so distracted that they didn't take time to listen when their children tried to talk to them. The oldest boy (away at college) came home for break and announced he wanted to go into ministry (the father dismissed his desire). The oldest daughter fell to the pressure of her boyfriend and became pregnant. The young boy was sweet but smart mouthed and ended up being struck and killed by a car...therefore bringing the family to Jesus and reunification.

Now, I know that there are several ''forces" being played out through this story. It's not simply about sex. But there were no hidden forces. To me, the forces were obvious. And I think they are obvious to any semi-intelligent human.

It did, however, make for interesting conversations with Steven and myself. We talked about the real hidden forces in the home. Children are sponges. They soak up everything they SEE and HEAR. It's the small things that happen in daily life that shape our children. How us, as parents, act. How us, as spouses, act. It's in the little things....delaying an activity a few hours to attend church; making them return a lost basketball even though the kid that owns it is unkind to them; it's speaking kindly to each other; it's the family dinner table, movie night, sitting down and helping with homework. It's helping those around us without being asked, it's not listening to music filled with derogatory sentiments, it's reacting with kindness in an unkind situation. The list goes on and on. Yes, sexual forces are something to be addressed. I have no argument against that. But I really think that if we want the next generation to buck the statistics and grow to be productive members of society we have to look beyond the obvious.

Maybe I am missing something. In speaking with Steven and Mary Ellen they said they felt the same way and got the same messages I did. If you have seen the production and have a different opinion, I would LOVE to hear it. Everyone else I have spoken to has raved about the awesomness of it...I feel like I'm on the outside of an inside story.

Trick or Treat Smell My Feet....

Introducing our 1983 Prom Queen, Ms. Arissa Freeman:

I would show you a photo of Isaiah. But he wouldn't show up in the picture. He went as his Uncle Jerry (head to toe camo and carrying a Nerf gun). He went trick or treating at Royal Blue with Aunt Carol and her family. Arissa went to a Halloween party out in Farragut. Steven and I went to a drama production at church and then had 6 trick or treaters at the house.

This year was certainly different than years past. And hopefully won't be repeated next year. I really missed our Annual Freeman Family Roast & Toast. (I will say that cancelling our festivities was a very smart move. Between my current state and the rain it would have been miserable). Next year will be better. There's always next year.

Post Op Update Day 8 (with photo)

Today has not been a good day. I saw my surgeon this morning for a follow up appointment and to have the stitches removed. It was not pleasant. It wasn't the worse thing I've ever been through but I could feel it. And I think the apprehension of feeling her working in my ear was just as bad as the actual removal. He is giving me a month off and then I'll see him again and we'll decide then about PT. He said he removed the whole eminence and shaved down the muscle. He does not expect it to regrow although I've proved him wrong before.

Since having the stitches removed my incision has been very inflamed (I'm not sure if that's the correct word to describe it...it hurts, itches, stings, feels raw..."inflamed" is easier to say so I'm going with it). I looked at it when I got home and was rather shocked at how it looks. It doesn't even look like it's together. He said there are internal stitches that will dissolve so I assume that is why it looks like it does. I think it looks pretty bad. And it's much longer than my last surgery.

You can't see the back (and therefore can't get an idea of what I am failing to describe in words)in the photo but here I am after getting home from the appointment:

So basically, I've hit that miserable, cry-baby, irritable, can't be pleased part of the recovery process. And Steven is on vacation for the next 2 weeks! He'll be so excited to spend time with jolly me!!

Post Op Update Day 7 (with photos)

So I've lived through the week. I have left the house exactly twice in the week. I have done nothing but rest, sleep, eat, drink, Internet, and watch TV. Tonight I was brave and tried to eat a pop tart. HUGE mistake. Here are a few pictures of me taken this morning...







As you can see, things are looking much better. I have an appointment in the morning to (I assume) get the stitches out. The nerve/muscle pain I experienced before has started up. It's like electrical shocks in my scalp.

Isaiah and Arissa are on fall break this week. Sunday night they spent the night with Aunt Carol, Monday night Arissa spent the night with the Bakers, and tonight Alexis is here. Saturday Arissa is going to a big Halloween party at her friend-who-is-a-boy's house. She has a pretty rockin costume this year. I think Isaiah is sitting this year out although I haven't heard for certain.

Post Op Update Day 2 (with photos)

Today I managed a bath and clean jammies. Today was also a day that nothing pleased me and tears came really easy. Panera Bread changed their chicken salad without consulting me first. I have a strict policy that poultry and fruit shall never combine. Their chicken salad USED to be perfect. Then they went and added grapes to it. Panera Bread chicken salad is now dead to me.

I noticed today that the hospital treated me to a brow wax. It's my right brow, in the middle of the brow. Not a good look. Someone really should leave the brow grooming to the professionals.

Today I am more swollen and bruised.

Isaiah and Arissa got report cards today. Isaiah did really well with 4 A's, 1B, and 2 C's. Arissa knocked it out of the park with straight A's. She worked her tail off to get those grades and it paid off. We were both a bit nervous how she would adjust to middle school on top of having an afterschool activity every night of the week but she did it. We've had a deal with her for a few years now that if she earned an A in Math she could go to Wasabi's (Isaiah's deal is all A's and B's). Needless to say, as soon as I can eat I have a date with my girl. I am very proud of both kids and hope that in 9 weeks I'll be able to take Isaiah out for Wasabi's, too.

Surgery Recap & Post Op; Day 1 (with photos)

Yesterday went really well. Except for the fact they kept me totally awake (did someone forget my Versaid?) until they put me completely under. Which I really don't like. It wouldn't be so bad if I could have seen everything going on around me (most of what I watch on TV is medical shows so I am always comparing TV to real life. Which is really hard to do when you don't have your glasses and can't make out your surroundings). So yea, back to the point....I was fully awake and aware and had to scoot myself onto the operating table. And I was biting my lip and fighting the tears back. I would have much preferred to have been out of it for this portion of the program. The nice sleepy man (the same man that made Momma coffee the last time) put the mask on my face and his buddy put something into my IV. They kept saying to breath and I would be asleep any minute. But I wasn't. And to prove my point I kept my eyes wide open so they would know I wasn't asleep (side effect of watching some show the other night about surgery's gone wrong. The lady that wasn't out during her operation in which they REMOVED HER EYEBALL was fore front in my mind). Right after I reminded myself to not.shut.my.eyes. something happened. But I don't know what...because I was asleep.

Woke up in pre-op with a very sweet yet annoying voice nurse tending to me. I wanted to tell her to please clear her throat. Then the pain. Oh Lord, the pain. Dilaudid to the rescue. I fought to shake off the sleepy feeling still taking me over but closed my eyes for a little bit. Mary, the very nice patient advocate person, came over with what I really needed...my glasses! She remembered my concerns and had gotten them from Steven and put them right on my face. I looked around, never missing a chance to people watch, and noticed a man beside me...who was without his big toe and complaining that his leg was itching..something about a skin graft. And the middle-aged lady across from me who was whining like a baby. And moaning. I'm not real sure what her ailment was. I mean, I was fairly calm even though I had this

attached to my face. The pain....more Dilaudid. Nice nurse lady was on top of my pain. I asked for something to drink and instead I got ice chips. Which she dropped down the front of my gown. And then went to get out. But I didn't care the 4'11" 250 pound lady was feeling me up because she had the good drugs in her pocket. I really had to pee but kept that information to myself b/c I knew they would bring me a bed pan. This lady doesn't 'do' bed pans. More Dilaudid. It's amazing I was still breathing at this point. Nurse lady said in the next department they have oral pain meds and she wanted to make sure I was loaded up before they sent me over there. She called for transport and then pushed the rest of the Dilaudid. I was moved over to another room with my own restroom to sip on a soda and Mom and Steven could come back. Twenty minutes later they finally appeared. I was not happy at their delay. They got lost (though not 20 minutes lost; I think the message didn't get to them at the speed I wanted it to). The rebel flag hat wearing transport man had to help me to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he saw my butt. Again, I will lobby for proper fitting hospital gowns. Why must they all be made for people that are 6' around?

Anyways, I decided I was ready to leave. Which in Anne time means RIGHT NOW. I swear it took them forever to come take out my IV and let me get dressed. Steven brought me home and I dozed most of the day. Never more than 15-20 minutes at a time but did manage a fairly decent nights sleep. I woke up 3 or 4 times. The Dilaudid of yesterday is way gone and now I am very sore. It even hurts to smile. The good news is that there doesn't appear to be any nerve damage this time. The swelling isn't too horrible. Here are some photos from today....

Me last night icing my face:

This morning:

Somehow I think whatever dreams I had of being an ear ring model are dashed: